Boot camp was exactly what needed to happen. I love my husband. He knows exactly what to do. Not only did boot camp help me become submissive and accept his dominance, it helped my husband fill into his role ad the dominant. It wasn't easy and it took 5 days of a very strict, intensive schedule with very hard punishments in the evening before It clicked. I'm still not perfect. I still can't seem to wake up on time or I'll forget something small like drinking my water, etc but my attitude and willingness to accept my husband's judgment has greatly improved.
I am also really proud of my husband for following through and being tough when he needed to be. I am not an easy sub to deal with. One of my more fond or maybe eye opening moments of the past week was when Husband was punishing me for not accepting his judgment. Nothing out of the ordinary just me standing in our shower naked while he had the freezing cold water running over me. he moved the shower head around my bod while pouring a large glass of cold water over my head. I was shivering. Answering his questions with no, husband and yes, husband. I was secretly counting the seconds in my head as he had set a time limit of 90 seconds. When the conversation went lie this:
Husband: You have asked me to take control, so that you can finally let go of some of the burden, is this correct?
me: yes husband
Husband: Then why do you constantly question me?
me: this wife doesn't know husband
Husband: If you want to question me this is what is going to happen, do you understand?
Me: nods head
husband: respond!
me: yes husband
Husband : Just like you have no use for a Dom who doesn't follow through, I have no use for a Sub who doesn't listen. Understand?
Me: yes husband.
Shortly after the water was turned off and me a shivering mess.
Of course he said I love you and cuddled me after and all was forgiven.
But that last thing he said really hit me. What is the use if I wont listen and accept his word? This wont work unless I learn to let go. I am getting better. When he warns me now I know to stop and just accept. I'm not saying I haven't been punished for this since this happened, I have, but not nearly as much :)
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
The rules have changed.
Part of deciding to be submissive to my husband is just that. Being submissive. I am/was really struggling with that. May sound funny since it is what I want, but it’s not easy.
We had a sit down conversation about it last night. We can to the conclusion that what needed to happen was for all privileges, decision making, etc. to be taken away for a while. Husband called it a boot camp. Call me crazy but I agreed. All rules listed on the side are the same but here is what is new:
1.
I can no longer use “I, me, my” when talking to husband. I am to use “this wife”
2.
I will respond to all questions with no, husband or yes, husband,
3.
I will need permission to do anything. I will need to ask. I need to go to husband when I have completed a task to get the next.
4.
I am not to be on the same level as husband for the time being. If he is standing, I am sitting, if he is sitting I am kneeling, etc.
5.
No sweets, soda, etc.
6.
Time limit for meals.
The goal of this is to get this wife into a submissive mind. This wife will earn privileges back.
How it is going so far
Rough. This wife has a lot of difficulty accepting husband’s final say on things. It gets this wife in lots of trouble. This wife’s ass really hurts today. The cane was used a lot yesterday. This wife got very frustrated yesterday and did not respect husband. This wife yelled, snapped, use foul language. This wife is also have very much difficulty not using “I, me, my”
However, this wife thinks it is working. This wife thinks having everything taken away from the start would have been better.
As for today, this wife is already in big trouble when she gets home from work. This wife had a soda at lunch. This wife knew she was breaking a rule but thought she would get away with it. This wife didn’t realize that she would be so guilty she would call husband and confess. Husband is upset with this wife. It makes it worse that the money for the soda was a reward for good behavior this morning, mean to be spent on juice. This wife cried when she told husband. But this wife knows that no matter how sorry she is that husband will follow through.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Restart, maintenance.
You may have noticed I failed once again at meeting my 3x a week rule. I got some corner time for that..
however the husband did ask me later if I was having too hard of time finding the time to do it or if I was just being lazy. Truth is I just didn't have the time. A little about me: I work a full time career job. Its hard work that I love. I wish I could tell you more about what I do but I can't do to the nature of this blog. I am also working full time on a masters degree and I am a mommy. So its hard to find time to sit down and write. So hubby changes it to once a week. I will try do to more though. I also have daily chores assigned by the husband to complete as well.
I had a rough day the other day and snapped at husband a few times. We also have a rule that when I am upset I have to tell him why, no more "nothing.." I broke that rule as well that day. I also broke my spending rule.
Its so hard to give up complete control. I really had a few days where I was struggling with submissiveness. I was questioning my husband's choices and decisions. I also felt he wasn't following through as well, which was frustrating and leading me to test him. From what I've read this is common in a new domestic discipline relationship.
Last night it came to a head when I knew I had messed up (not on purpose) and he didn't follow through at all. We sat down and had a serious talk. he agreed he messed up. What I love about the husband is that he is really into this. but just like I struggle with being submissive he struggles with his new dominant role. We'll figure it out!
I did get spanked last night. It was more to get us back on track, more maintenance than punishment. I was so out of sorts when he didn't follow through. is that weird? I just couldn't get ahold of how I felt. from what I've read this is also common. It means its working!
The spanking went like this. I'm paraphrasing as I don't remember the exact words..
husband "we need to get back on track. you haven't been following the rules" do you agree?
me: "yes"
wack
wask
me: ow..
(he was hitting hard with his hand. I moved my body away but he pushed me back down)
Husband: starting tomorrow you will be expected to follow all your rules, use polite manners when taking to me and when I ask you to do something, do it. do you understand?
Me "yes"
wack
wack
Husband: Tomorrow we start new and you better be prepared for it. do you understand?
me: yes
smack
smack
smack smack
Husband lays down beside me for a minute, gets back up and grabs the cane. (ugggggg..I HATE the cane)
You will SMACK follow the SMACK rules I SMACK give you SMACK.
He came down on the bed, cuddled me in, told me he loved me.
however the husband did ask me later if I was having too hard of time finding the time to do it or if I was just being lazy. Truth is I just didn't have the time. A little about me: I work a full time career job. Its hard work that I love. I wish I could tell you more about what I do but I can't do to the nature of this blog. I am also working full time on a masters degree and I am a mommy. So its hard to find time to sit down and write. So hubby changes it to once a week. I will try do to more though. I also have daily chores assigned by the husband to complete as well.
I had a rough day the other day and snapped at husband a few times. We also have a rule that when I am upset I have to tell him why, no more "nothing.." I broke that rule as well that day. I also broke my spending rule.
Its so hard to give up complete control. I really had a few days where I was struggling with submissiveness. I was questioning my husband's choices and decisions. I also felt he wasn't following through as well, which was frustrating and leading me to test him. From what I've read this is common in a new domestic discipline relationship.
Last night it came to a head when I knew I had messed up (not on purpose) and he didn't follow through at all. We sat down and had a serious talk. he agreed he messed up. What I love about the husband is that he is really into this. but just like I struggle with being submissive he struggles with his new dominant role. We'll figure it out!
I did get spanked last night. It was more to get us back on track, more maintenance than punishment. I was so out of sorts when he didn't follow through. is that weird? I just couldn't get ahold of how I felt. from what I've read this is also common. It means its working!
The spanking went like this. I'm paraphrasing as I don't remember the exact words..
husband "we need to get back on track. you haven't been following the rules" do you agree?
me: "yes"
wack
wask
me: ow..
(he was hitting hard with his hand. I moved my body away but he pushed me back down)
Husband: starting tomorrow you will be expected to follow all your rules, use polite manners when taking to me and when I ask you to do something, do it. do you understand?
Me "yes"
wack
wack
Husband: Tomorrow we start new and you better be prepared for it. do you understand?
me: yes
smack
smack
smack smack
Husband lays down beside me for a minute, gets back up and grabs the cane. (ugggggg..I HATE the cane)
You will SMACK follow the SMACK rules I SMACK give you SMACK.
He came down on the bed, cuddled me in, told me he loved me.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Oops..
You may have noticed I broke a rule by not keeping up with my blog this week. Its my own fault. I was lazy. Husband noticed and I got some hard swats with the cane. OUCH! I will do better.
Overall things have been goin well. I have had some moments where it has been very hard to submit to my husband. Times where in the past would have lead to big arguments and harsh words. I struggled and a few times I did become angry. All that did was earn me kneeling time. However, the last few days have been really good as I come to terms with my new rules and the way I have chosen to live with my husband. This did not come easy. The first couple weeks I was punished severely almost every day. I think the turning point was the other night.
In my last post I wrote about what happened when I 'snapped" and my child. The punishment that followed was hard. He used a leather paddle. Its the first time that he left marks and it was sore the next day.
you would think I would learn...
but just two days later...
I was in a grumpy mood. Work was stressing me out and child had not slept well. I was eating dinner when child ran over my feet with his walker. and I not so eloquently said "stop! just let me eat!" The way I said it was not nice. and to a child under a year not fair. Husband immediately came and got child and gave me "that look." oh shit..
After child was in bed I went to him. This time I got the belt. I have no idea how many times he hit me but it hurt. I was in tears and very upset. I was so sorry. Just when I thought he was done he said "now because you have broken this rule two times in two days I am going to go two more times.." and those were hard hits! My bum is still bruised 3 days later..
This was a wake up call for me that I needed to get things in check. I think for the first couple weeks I was just in a daze, wondering if husband was taking all this seriously. Now I know he is. He is following through on everything.
I find we are happier than ever. The house is staying clean, the laundry doesn't pile up. im more attracted to my husband than ever.
Overall things have been goin well. I have had some moments where it has been very hard to submit to my husband. Times where in the past would have lead to big arguments and harsh words. I struggled and a few times I did become angry. All that did was earn me kneeling time. However, the last few days have been really good as I come to terms with my new rules and the way I have chosen to live with my husband. This did not come easy. The first couple weeks I was punished severely almost every day. I think the turning point was the other night.
In my last post I wrote about what happened when I 'snapped" and my child. The punishment that followed was hard. He used a leather paddle. Its the first time that he left marks and it was sore the next day.
you would think I would learn...
but just two days later...
I was in a grumpy mood. Work was stressing me out and child had not slept well. I was eating dinner when child ran over my feet with his walker. and I not so eloquently said "stop! just let me eat!" The way I said it was not nice. and to a child under a year not fair. Husband immediately came and got child and gave me "that look." oh shit..
After child was in bed I went to him. This time I got the belt. I have no idea how many times he hit me but it hurt. I was in tears and very upset. I was so sorry. Just when I thought he was done he said "now because you have broken this rule two times in two days I am going to go two more times.." and those were hard hits! My bum is still bruised 3 days later..
This was a wake up call for me that I needed to get things in check. I think for the first couple weeks I was just in a daze, wondering if husband was taking all this seriously. Now I know he is. He is following through on everything.
I find we are happier than ever. The house is staying clean, the laundry doesn't pile up. im more attracted to my husband than ever.
Monday, May 6, 2013
Guilty
I've been sent here to write by husband. This post is part of a punishment for my actions this morning. It is an extra post for the week added to the 3 I already have to do. I feel really guilty about my actions this morning and know I broke a major rule. I have a spanking coming later.
One of my biggest issues is "snapping" at my husband when I am upset, frustrated, or tired. snapping means I say hurtful things, use sarcasm or just have a crappy mood in general. He doesn't expect me to be miss perfect happy all the time he just expects that when I am upset that I handle it in respectful ways, using nice words and team work to figure out the issue. Husband also wants me to stop snapping at him in front of our child. He wants me to set good examples for our child. And I do too! I don't want my child thinking its okay to just yell. I will admit there were times before we started this I would get upset and "snap" at the child. I always felt horrible. I am sure every mother has been there. When the baby just wont sleep. I've never hurt my child but I know I can use a kinder tone with my words. Husband has made it clear that this was suppose to stop immediately. It had, until this morning.
Child did not sleep well at all. It was 7am and he was awake and husband was just snoozing away. (for the record husband takes meds that knock him out at night. Before these meds he helped at night. don't think he is just lazy and wont help. He has been just as much as a parent as I have been since child was born.) Anyway I became frustrated, yelled "JUST SLEEP" at the child and then yelled at husband to just take the child so I could sleep. Yeah, not my greatest moment.
I immediately knew I was in trouble but continued to snooze and husband did take child and leave the room. Once I was up I apologized but husband made it clear I had a punishment coming. After some talking today I now understand this punishment will be harsh. Its pretty much completely unacceptable to yell at the child.. EVER out of frustration or anger. The kind of parent I want to be is a caring parent who disciplines in a loving way. I don't want to be a parent who yells out of anger. I don't want to be a parent who screams at her child for every little thing. Its not the child's fault he didn't sleep. He is still a baby. I feel horrible. I cuddled the child all I could.
I deserve the punishment coming my way this evening. I will accepted the consequences of my actions. I trust my husband to realize that I need this today. That what I did this morning was unacceptable.
That's all for now.
One of my biggest issues is "snapping" at my husband when I am upset, frustrated, or tired. snapping means I say hurtful things, use sarcasm or just have a crappy mood in general. He doesn't expect me to be miss perfect happy all the time he just expects that when I am upset that I handle it in respectful ways, using nice words and team work to figure out the issue. Husband also wants me to stop snapping at him in front of our child. He wants me to set good examples for our child. And I do too! I don't want my child thinking its okay to just yell. I will admit there were times before we started this I would get upset and "snap" at the child. I always felt horrible. I am sure every mother has been there. When the baby just wont sleep. I've never hurt my child but I know I can use a kinder tone with my words. Husband has made it clear that this was suppose to stop immediately. It had, until this morning.
Child did not sleep well at all. It was 7am and he was awake and husband was just snoozing away. (for the record husband takes meds that knock him out at night. Before these meds he helped at night. don't think he is just lazy and wont help. He has been just as much as a parent as I have been since child was born.) Anyway I became frustrated, yelled "JUST SLEEP" at the child and then yelled at husband to just take the child so I could sleep. Yeah, not my greatest moment.
I immediately knew I was in trouble but continued to snooze and husband did take child and leave the room. Once I was up I apologized but husband made it clear I had a punishment coming. After some talking today I now understand this punishment will be harsh. Its pretty much completely unacceptable to yell at the child.. EVER out of frustration or anger. The kind of parent I want to be is a caring parent who disciplines in a loving way. I don't want to be a parent who yells out of anger. I don't want to be a parent who screams at her child for every little thing. Its not the child's fault he didn't sleep. He is still a baby. I feel horrible. I cuddled the child all I could.
I deserve the punishment coming my way this evening. I will accepted the consequences of my actions. I trust my husband to realize that I need this today. That what I did this morning was unacceptable.
That's all for now.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Introduction
Welcome to my Blog!
If you check out the "about me" section you will get a good idea about why I am here. My husband and I have decided to embrace an alternative lifestyle. The more we learn about it and dive into it we find that it works for us.
The sections to the side will answer a lot of the questions regarding why we have chosen this way of life. Our daily rules are also listed. We also have rules for when we are doing more traditional BDSM activities. I am glad to share those with you through email. thiswife2013@gmail.com.
The rules we have created are very specific to the needs in our life. Some of the rules I have asked him to implement because I need help with them. Some he has put his foot down about. More are sure to come as we get into this and find our needs to be more or less.
I know some people will have difficulty with the punishment part of our arrangement. I'll be honest, I did at first. But it helps focus me. We talk during them. I haven't opened up to my husband in the way I have with punishment in a really long time. I am also being more honest with him. all these things are REALLY good for me.
My husband is fair, but he is stern. I questioned his ability to follow through on this but he does. Even when I do not want him to. Sometimes it really just sucks. But being held accountable and then being able to move on is important. There is no longer blow ups or fights about something that happened months ago. After a punishment we move on.
I hope this has been a good introduction. One of my rules is to write on here 3x a week. I will leave you all with what happened last night. It may seem really harsh to some but this has been an ongoing issue with me. I have been punished for the same thing multiple times in the past week.
I returned home from an event with my mom. The hardest time of the day for me is when I walk through the door. I become frustrated and overwhelmed with the laundry I see, or the dishes piled up. Looking back the house wasn't even that messy but I got lost in my frustration. I snapped and blew up at husband. I used harsh words. I wouldn't even let him calm me down. Through the evening I fired comebacks and cuss words at him. He eventually gave up on me and got really quiet. I took a shower. In the shower my head cleared and I realized what I had done. I did not respect him, I snapped at him, and I wasn't honest with my feelings. I knew I needed to go to him when I got done in the shower and I knew I was in for it.
He was understanding, like always, but he was upset. We talked and hugged for a little bit, but then he got serious. Earlier in the week A similar event had happened and He had told me what would happen if it happened again. He didn't even tell me what was going to happen. I knew. We have a list of 4 punishment that husband uses. They can be used in various degrees of harshness depending on the offense.
They are
1. kneeling - to be quiet and listen and realize I cause others pain.
2. soap in mouth- to clean out my mouth when I use harsh words.
3. cold showers- to understand I shock him when I do not follow rules
4. spankings- my words and actions hurt others.
Because this was a pretty serious issue with myself I would be getting a 3 part punishment including soap, a cold shower, and a spanking. some may think that is really harsh. But because it had happened before multiple times and he had warned me it was going to happen I knew he was going to follow through.
I hate soap and the cold showers are really hard to take. I immediately start to shake and tremble. I am counting down the seconds in my mind. Usually the cold shower is the end of it. He usually takes me out, puts a blanket around me, tells me he loves me and then we talk about how I can be better. Last night, however I had another punishment coming. He had me on my knees and elbows with my freezing cold bum out. I then got 5 hard whacks with a leather belt. It hurt. A Lot. I am glad he stopped at five. I was already in tears, begging him to stop.
After he cuddled me into his arms, told me he loves me like he always does, and then gave me a few minutes to regain my composure. I went to him after and broke down. I don't want to become frustrated and say hurtful things. I want things to be good. and so does he. W are working on it. Its important to mention that before and after every punishment we talk and say I love you.
Last night is over and now we move on. Today will be better.
If you check out the "about me" section you will get a good idea about why I am here. My husband and I have decided to embrace an alternative lifestyle. The more we learn about it and dive into it we find that it works for us.
The sections to the side will answer a lot of the questions regarding why we have chosen this way of life. Our daily rules are also listed. We also have rules for when we are doing more traditional BDSM activities. I am glad to share those with you through email. thiswife2013@gmail.com.
The rules we have created are very specific to the needs in our life. Some of the rules I have asked him to implement because I need help with them. Some he has put his foot down about. More are sure to come as we get into this and find our needs to be more or less.
I know some people will have difficulty with the punishment part of our arrangement. I'll be honest, I did at first. But it helps focus me. We talk during them. I haven't opened up to my husband in the way I have with punishment in a really long time. I am also being more honest with him. all these things are REALLY good for me.
My husband is fair, but he is stern. I questioned his ability to follow through on this but he does. Even when I do not want him to. Sometimes it really just sucks. But being held accountable and then being able to move on is important. There is no longer blow ups or fights about something that happened months ago. After a punishment we move on.
I hope this has been a good introduction. One of my rules is to write on here 3x a week. I will leave you all with what happened last night. It may seem really harsh to some but this has been an ongoing issue with me. I have been punished for the same thing multiple times in the past week.
I returned home from an event with my mom. The hardest time of the day for me is when I walk through the door. I become frustrated and overwhelmed with the laundry I see, or the dishes piled up. Looking back the house wasn't even that messy but I got lost in my frustration. I snapped and blew up at husband. I used harsh words. I wouldn't even let him calm me down. Through the evening I fired comebacks and cuss words at him. He eventually gave up on me and got really quiet. I took a shower. In the shower my head cleared and I realized what I had done. I did not respect him, I snapped at him, and I wasn't honest with my feelings. I knew I needed to go to him when I got done in the shower and I knew I was in for it.
He was understanding, like always, but he was upset. We talked and hugged for a little bit, but then he got serious. Earlier in the week A similar event had happened and He had told me what would happen if it happened again. He didn't even tell me what was going to happen. I knew. We have a list of 4 punishment that husband uses. They can be used in various degrees of harshness depending on the offense.
They are
1. kneeling - to be quiet and listen and realize I cause others pain.
2. soap in mouth- to clean out my mouth when I use harsh words.
3. cold showers- to understand I shock him when I do not follow rules
4. spankings- my words and actions hurt others.
Because this was a pretty serious issue with myself I would be getting a 3 part punishment including soap, a cold shower, and a spanking. some may think that is really harsh. But because it had happened before multiple times and he had warned me it was going to happen I knew he was going to follow through.
I hate soap and the cold showers are really hard to take. I immediately start to shake and tremble. I am counting down the seconds in my mind. Usually the cold shower is the end of it. He usually takes me out, puts a blanket around me, tells me he loves me and then we talk about how I can be better. Last night, however I had another punishment coming. He had me on my knees and elbows with my freezing cold bum out. I then got 5 hard whacks with a leather belt. It hurt. A Lot. I am glad he stopped at five. I was already in tears, begging him to stop.
After he cuddled me into his arms, told me he loves me like he always does, and then gave me a few minutes to regain my composure. I went to him after and broke down. I don't want to become frustrated and say hurtful things. I want things to be good. and so does he. W are working on it. Its important to mention that before and after every punishment we talk and say I love you.
Last night is over and now we move on. Today will be better.
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