Restart, maintenance.

You may have noticed I failed once again at meeting my 3x a week rule.  I got some corner time for that..

however the husband did ask me later if I was having too hard of time finding the time to do it or if I was just being lazy.  Truth is I just didn't have the time.  A little about me: I work a full time career job.  Its hard work that I love.  I wish I could tell you more about what I do but I can't do to the nature of this blog.  I am also working full time on a masters degree and I am a mommy.  So its hard to find time to sit down and write.  So hubby changes it to once a week.  I will try do to more though.  I also have daily chores assigned by the husband to complete as well. 

I had a rough day the other day and snapped at husband a few times.  We also have a rule that when I am upset I have to tell him why, no more "nothing.." I broke that rule as well that day. I also broke my spending rule. 

Its so hard to give up complete control.  I really had a few days where I was struggling with submissiveness.  I was questioning my husband's choices and decisions.  I also felt he wasn't following through as well, which was frustrating and leading me to test him.  From what I've read this is common in a new domestic discipline relationship. 

Last night it came to a head when I knew I had messed up (not on purpose) and he didn't follow through at all.  We sat down and had a serious talk.  he agreed he messed up.  What I love about the husband is that he is really into this.  but just like I struggle with being submissive he struggles with his new dominant role.  We'll figure it out!

I did get spanked last night.  It was more to get us back on track, more maintenance than punishment. I was so out of sorts when he didn't follow through.  is that weird?  I just couldn't get ahold of how I felt.   from what I've read this is also common. It means its working!

The spanking went like this. I'm paraphrasing as I don't remember the exact words..

husband "we need to get back on track.  you haven't been following the rules" do you agree?

me: "yes"

wack

wask


me: ow..

(he was hitting hard with his hand.  I moved my body away but he pushed me back down)


Husband: starting tomorrow you will be expected to follow all your rules, use polite manners when taking to me and when I ask you to do something, do it.  do you understand?

Me "yes"

wack

wack

Husband: Tomorrow we start new and you better be prepared for it. do you understand?

me: yes

smack
smack
smack smack

Husband lays down beside me for a minute, gets back up and grabs the cane.  (ugggggg..I HATE the cane)

You will SMACK follow the SMACK rules I SMACK give you SMACK.

He came down on the bed, cuddled me in, told me he loved me.