Oops..

You may have noticed I broke a rule by not keeping up with my blog this week.  Its my own fault.  I was lazy.  Husband noticed and I got some hard swats with the cane.  OUCH!  I will do better.

Overall things have been goin well.  I have had some moments where it has been very hard to submit to my husband.  Times where in the past would have lead to big arguments and harsh words.  I struggled and a few times I did become angry.  All that did was earn me kneeling time.  However, the last few days have been really good as I come to terms with my new rules and the way I have chosen to live with my husband.  This did not come easy.  The first couple weeks I was punished severely almost every day.  I think the turning point was the other night.

In my last post I wrote about what happened when I 'snapped" and my child.  The punishment that followed was hard.  He used a leather paddle.  Its the first time that he left marks and it was sore the next day.

you would think I would learn...

but just two days later...

I was in a grumpy mood.  Work was stressing me out and child had not slept well.  I was eating dinner when child ran over my feet with his walker.  and I not so eloquently said "stop! just let me eat!" The way I said it was not nice. and to a child under a year not fair.  Husband immediately came and got child and gave me "that look."  oh shit..

After child was in bed I went to him.  This time I got the belt.  I have no idea how many times he hit me but it hurt.  I was in tears and very upset.  I was so sorry.  Just when I thought he was done he said "now because you have broken this rule two times in two days I am going to go two more times.." and those were hard hits!  My bum is still bruised 3 days later..

This was a wake up call for me that I needed to get things in check.  I think for the first couple weeks I was just in a daze, wondering if husband was taking all this seriously.  Now I know he is.  He is following through on everything. 

I find we are happier than ever.  The house is staying clean, the laundry doesn't pile up. im more attracted to my husband than ever.